Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
