sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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