I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
