I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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