Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
