i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
