I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
