smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize