Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
