Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize