Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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