just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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