FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
