R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
