I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
