Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
