Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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