he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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