areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
