I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
