You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
