I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think your dad took our porno
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
