lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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