Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
