I want to have your abortion
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
