why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
