Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
