My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
