I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
