A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
