the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
