she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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