Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
