Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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