Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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