Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize