I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
