it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
