my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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