Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
