I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
