So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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