I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
