why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
