I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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