no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
