To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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