I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
