he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
