I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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