so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
