took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
