Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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