I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize