Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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