PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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