he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
