Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
