It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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