Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
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