So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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