Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
