Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
