you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
