My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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