My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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