I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
