Having a random hookup so left but love u
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
