I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
