I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize